Erotic Scripts
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Cordelia Gaffar is the founder of Workout Around My Day, Inc. and has a private healing practice. She is also the two time award-winning host of the What People Miss podcast and previously, The Free to Be Show Podcast. Cordelia is a retreat facilitator, passionate healer, intimacy coach, somatic movement facilitator, philosopher and best-selling author of eight books. A graduate of Strayer University (B.S. Accounting), she also has certifications in sports nutrition, authentic consent and movement facilitation. Cordelia worked as an emotional wellness coach for 8 years, an intimacy educator for the past two years and veteran homeschooling mom for 20 years and counting. Her ninth book, Erotic Scripts, Authoring Your Requirements for Self-Nurturing, will be published later this year.
Erotic Scripts: Authoring Your Requirements for Sustainable Self-Nurturing
BY CORDELIA ATWELL GAFFAR
(C) 2025
That deep low growl in my ear, vibrating into my soul, and his breath on my neck with fingers intermingled as we synced our breath, told me it was safe. In response, my lotusverse began to flow like a river. Riding the wave in the lotus position before penetration is so delicious. Watching his physical cues and confirming with, “May I pull your hair?” Awaiting his verbal confirmation with juicy anticipation. His, “Yes, please” was an enthusiastic growl, followed by a yelp with my pull. With our locks intertwined, I pulled him on top of me and he entered me with a slow deep thrust as we looked into each other's eyes, drinking in the moment … and to think I almost gave up the possibility of conscious, present life-giving intimacy in the name of doing what is expected and accepted: staying married no matter the cost … to my emotional, mental, spiritual, physical and sexual well-being!
Since my separation in July of 2020, leading to my divorce in May of 2021 and choosing to end my twenty-year marriage, I have learned and practiced ways of loving, healing and self-nurturing that completely replenish me. I have created my whole world around a process that I thought I already mastered, only to discover that there is so much more.
I continued loving myself through mothering my small, medium sized (pre-teen and teen) and by societal standards, young adult children grieving the divorce of their parents. The disruption of the chaos that was their life in exchange for more discord and mandated chaos has been character-building and, in the early days, devastatingly jarring. It has taken a whole team to put me back together again: a spiritual therapist, a state assigned therapist, a private coaching community, a few good coaching friends and acquaintances, new friends, releasing of old friends and time in stillness with my own soul. Hours of tears, miles of hiking, hours rolling down hills, hours of roller skating, hours of dancing, miles of flying, hours of reading, hours of writing, hours of research, hours of speaking, hours of cooking healing foods, a holistic practitioner certification, an attempted authentic tantra certification, somatic movement certification, authentic consent certification, hours of self-pleasuring and sometimes … taking a qualified lover … and now moving towards a somatic sexology certification. In service to loving me, I always practice only forgiveness as my highest form of self-love and self-nurturing.
Forgiveness for not knowing what I didn’t know until I did. Forgiveness for knowing and being too afraid to act or mostly frozen, unable to act. Frozen, unable to speak or ask for help. Frozen, feeling trapped in a place—being unconditional love and being rejected anyway. Forgiveness for my choices and non-choices. I am practicing forgiveness at this moment as I write this.
Thank you, Cordelia, for loving yourself enough to be the work.
I love you, Cordelia, for being Replenish Me in the process.
I love you, Cordelia, for being Free to Be in process.
I love you, Cordelia, for wearing your heart on the outside.
I love you, Cordelia, for no longer judging that you wear your heart on the outside, and when you do judge, immediately forgiving yourself.
I love you, Cordelia, for aligning your four hearts.
I love you, Cordelia, for who you BE.
I love you, Cordelia, for BEING LOVE and practicing forgiveness for the elevation of your soul.
Most people are from broken or dysfunctional homes and cannot distinguish between a man who is a leader and a man who wants to lead. Many men from broken or dysfunctional homes do not know how to be a man, provide for and give women space to rest, relax, trust and innately feel submitting is safe. Submission and safety allow softness in both the man and the woman. Notice that I said softness is both in the man and in the woman. We must both have a space for our softness and vulnerability. The answer is individuals taking responsibility and reparenting themselves. People must learn the art of self-nurturing, loving kindness, compassion, self-forgiveness, receiving, and most of all what I call intimacy intelligence. Create the Sacred Pause. How do you arrive there? There are many ways:
The long way … keep trying, reading books, listening to podcasts and talking to the same people who have no desire to change and discourage your progress.
The shorter way … keep trying, reading books, listening to podcasts and talking to people who are on a similar path who may recommend classes or aligned communities.
The shortest path … keep trying, reading books, listening to podcasts and talking to people who are on a similar path who may recommend classes or aligned communities under the guidance of a self-nurturing team of coaches and spiritual guides.
The following verse is to remind you of your worthiness, playfulness and humanness:
You get what you choose, so choose life
This is the time to move, feel, write and speak
My trusted formula for laying to rest strife
This is how you build character as strong as tea
You get what you choose, so choose joy
Be playful as you were as a little girl or boy
Giggle, run, cartwheel and jump
Where else could you source and get pumped???
Case study:
I worked with a young woman who, for two years, shared intimate space with a man who did not see her worthiness. As a result, she shrank more and more. She felt anxious, was performative, turning tricks for love and feeling empty and unappreciated. Through work with me she found her words and worthiness again.
That work included somatic movement to bring deep rage, insecurities and other suppressed negative emotions to the surface. I invited her to feel the weight of her feelings and emotions become levity when seen for face value; to write and vision the life she would like to choose and to fantasize and experience the embodiment of that reality by speaking it into existence.
One day, she chose to fantasize about finding and marrying a man who matches her values, sees her and values her worthiness, and who knows how to and is willing to learn how to love her forever.
She embodied that in her whole being and chose to release the one she was with. The next day an old childhood friend reached out and began the Islamic proposal process through her parents. Within a month they were progressing beautifully and planning their wedding.
I work with women of faith to reconnect with their bodies and own their fantasies again. The distinction between a fantasy and manifestation is fantasies are accessible and believable to your brain. Join my next cohort to understand what that means.
Practical way of being
Ask yourself, what could I choose to love in my life? Life is subtle and requires you to linger in pauses. Are you ready for the Sacred Pause of fantasy?
Every day is a holy day. Happiness is available to you every day. Peace and joy are available every day. I invite you to choose joy and pleasure every day. That is my reality as the ultimate joy goddess.
Let’s take Christmas for example, literally Christ mass, a ritual for Christ commemorating his birthday. We use words for which we do not contemplate the meaning. Words have meaning and shape and create our lives whether we acknowledge that fact.
Why pick just one day for that when you could do it a little every day? Is that strange? And do you not also have peaceful and joyful parts of your day every day? And what of pleasure? Are you allowing bits of your day for that?
Sometimes you fear a thing or that it will not happen and create what you fear. To the best of my ability, I create an environment for my fantasies to come true. Fantasies, to me, are future realties that require love, attention and intention. I nurture my fantasies every day by making choices to create them and believing my choices can exist. It gives me pleasure and joy contemplating my future with the things I desire happening. Instead of worrying about an undesired outcome, I excite myself, knowing that it is happening. In the unseen world, everything you desire exists. Only with choosing, believing and knowing do you meet its frequency and creation.
How would your life be different if you knew every day is holy? I invite you to choose pleasure and joy every day.
Let’s play with intimacy
Life is best lived in subtlety. Intimacy is all about the subtle, not the loud, overt and obvious. I am not talking about subversion. I mean a whisper when you normally would yell. A caress when you would normally hold back. A look when you would normally choose to look away. There are millions of subtle ways to experience loving, kind connection with yourself and others.
I am not one to make unfounded, inexperienced claims. I live and create it for myself, then I share my findings and results with others as an option that they can choose. I stay in the study, work and practice of elevating my soul, so that I can support others with deep intentional care. During that process, I am also living according to what I learn and upgrade my practices.
What that has created for me is a deeper relationship with my daughters and sons post-divorce, an amicable relationship with my ex-husband, who also now remarried, a beautiful loving partner who is in the practice and work with me, supportive loving friendships and collaborations in business. Are you desiring any of those? Are you holding on to past pain and unable to move forward? Do you wish you could turn your relationships around?
How are you moving the dial in your life? Remember, every day is holy and another opportunity to begin again. Are you creating love, joy, peace and happiness?
Reflect and be free!
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