What Is Intimacy?
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Charde Everett Ali is an avid reader and observer of life. She takes it all in, while remaining steady in her walk and steadfast in her compassionate practicality. One who listens well, shares openly and loves deeply, Charde is interested in what makes people tick. In the early stages of putting her thoughts to paper, largely as a way to get the conversation going and hear what others think. She reside in Philadelphia with her husband, five children of her own and four bonus children who embrace her with abundant love, warmth and respect.
What Is Intimacy?
BY CHARDE EVERETT ALI
(C) 2025
Intimacy is a feeling of closeness and connection with another person. It can be physical, emotional or intellectual and can include a sense of support and understanding. Well, that’s the dictionary definition of intimacy. But what comes to mind when I think of intimacy? For me, I first think about my relationships. I’m a mother, a friend, a wife, a sister and so on.
When I became a mother, from the moment the nurse put my son on my chest, that let him know that he was safe. As he grew, I made sure to reinforce the fact that I was there for him with a helping hand. Having one-on-one talks helped him learn that he could come to me about anything. He knows that he can be himself, be open, be emotional and that he always has a listening ear at the ready. Also, he knows that he can expect support and understanding, as well as tempered advice and guidance. Mom is a judgement free zone! Mom is a safe and intimate place. Mom is that for all of her children. And, for being that for them, I will hopefully be an even better one for my grandchildren.
Another type of intimacy is one shared in friendships. But there are levels to it. The intimacy shared with one friend may not be the same as with other friends. But that one? That one friend whom you've had for years and years? The one who’s had your back through all the ups and downs, the wins and losses, the in-loves and heartbreaks? The one whom you’ve been there for through the same? The bond shared between you is built on trust and loyalty, respect, time and distance. This person is a part of your support system.
As the years pass, you learn whom you can call on and for what. Sometimes it's not your parents or your partner. It can’t be. They don’t understand you the same way. It has to be your bestie. They know (and let you know) that it’s okay to be vulnerable in your time of need. They have your best interests at heart. They’ll support you when you’re right and just as well, let you know when you’re wrong or out of line. And you know that it’s all coming from a perspective of what they think is best for you, because you've built this relationship through intimate moments with one another.
Now, as a wife, all of these things come into play. It just gets a bit more in-depth. When you meet a potential partner, you build a bond that lets you know if it’s worth your time and energy. You learn them. Their likes and dislikes. Their goals and fears. All the things that make them them. And with time, you develop trust, respect, loyalty and love. Not everyone is worthy, so CHOOSE WISELY! Giving someone the most intimate portrait of yourself is not just emotional and intellectual, it becomes physical and spiritual.
Intimate moments like holding hands, leaving notes for each other to find, staying up all night and just talking. This kind of intimacy is shared within a look or a touch. An unspoken level of communication that, in the midst of the chaos of the day-to-day, is just for the two of you. The confidence in knowing that when you’ve had a bad day, you have someone to confide in about the struggles you’re experiencing. And let’s not forget about the disagreements and arguments had between you two. Those are intimate moments too. In these moments, you realize that you’re still learning about one another as well as about yourself. It ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. That’s kind of what makes it great.
In all my experiences of intimacy, I’ve learned that, in all important relationships there is some form of intimacy. It's more important to recognize this when it's happening. To embrace the moment. Appreciate that it's something you get to experience and be a part of. Understand that everyone's definition may be slightly different from one person to the next. I believe we can all agree it's just one of the things we need to make us who we are.